The Style and Byte magazine covers the topic of dating extensively—and for good reason. One of the greatest mental burdens in today’s societies is loneliness. Dating apps have the potential to either exacerbate or alleviate this problem. We’ve published countless articles on these issues, but we believe there can never be enough discussion or advice on the subject, especially with approximately 100 million women currently using dating apps worldwide.
Modern dating habits have changed radically over the past decades. The rise in popularity of online dating apps has opened up new opportunities, but they’ve also brought new challenges. While many of us are already familiar with Tinder, what lies beyond it? How can we find true love in a world where the possibilities seem endless, yet relationships risk becoming shorter and more superficial?
Psychological factors in dating
Before we turn to technological solutions, it is important to understand the psychological factors that influence dating. The fast pace of today’s world, the constant presence of social media, and the paradox of “too many choices” stemming from the simplicity of dating apps all affect us. This is known as decision fatigue, when it becomes increasingly difficult to choose among too many options, and we tend to judge others superficially.
We need to be more authentic if we want to create real intimacy.
Esther Perel, couples therapist and author
Decision fatigue can make commitment more difficult, as the possibility that „there might be someone better” is always looming. From a psychological perspective, this phenomenon can lead users to be unable to form deep connections, continuously switching partners without developing a genuine bond, thereby hindering the dating process.
One of the fundamental psychological needs in dating is attachment, which has two main aspects: the desire for security and intimacy. According to attachment theory, the quality of our romantic relationships is closely linked to the early attachment experiences we had with our parents. People who have a secure attachment generally find it easier to enter and maintain long-term, healthy relationships.
Apps beyond Tinder’s world
Although Tinder may be the best-known dating platform, there are many other apps that can help those seeking deeper, more serious relationships. These apps don’t just rely on quick decisions—they also provide the opportunity to find a partner through more in-depth, personalized filters and algorithms.
1. Hinge – The app for serious relationships
Hinge is one of the most popular alternatives to Tinder, especially for those seeking long-term relationships. The app’s slogan, „Designed to be deleted,” refers to its goal of successfully helping users start relationships, so that the app itself eventually becomes unnecessary. Hinge places great emphasis on users getting to know each other based on interests, values, and lifestyles—not just appearances.
2. OkCupid – A deeper exploration of interests
OkCupid stands out with its special filtering system and questionnaires. The algorithm matches users based on their answers, focusing on deeper compatibility. This app can be especially appealing for those who are looking not just at appearances, but also for shared interests and long-term relationships.
3. Bumble – Women take the lead
Bumble was created by Whitney Wolfe Herd, one of Tinder’s co-founders, with the goal of giving women more control. Here, women can initiate conversations, which reduces the number of harassments and encourages women to be more proactive in their search. One psychological advantage of the app is that women can feel safer, making them much more open to serious relationships.
4. eHarmony – Scientific matching
eHarmony is one of the oldest dating sites, developed by psychologists. Users complete a lengthy questionnaire, based on which the algorithm calculates their compatibility with other users. eHarmony applies a scientifically grounded matching method that helps foster long-term relationships.
Psychological support for successful relationships
In addition to using apps, it is important to consider the psychological factors necessary for relationship success. According to relationship therapist John Gottman, the foundation of successful relationships is that the partners are able to communicate empathetically and manage conflicts. Gottman’s „Four Horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) are behaviors that can indicate the end of a relationship.
Good communication is essential, and it can be challenging in the modern world. The fast pace of apps and superficial interactions often lead us not to deeply engage with each other. Therefore, it is worth building a communication style already during the dating phase that helps maintain the relationship in the long term.
Beyond Tinder
The world of online dating offers much more than what Tinder initially shows. By choosing the right app and understanding the psychological factors behind dating, we can form deeper and more lasting relationships. The key to a successful relationship is not just technology, but also getting to know both ourselves and the other person on a deeper level. In addition to using apps, it is important to also pay attention to maintaining healthy attachment, communication, and self-confidence throughout the dating process.