Emil Horváth, a mental health specialist, is back with a new article. This time, he takes a deep dive into the psychology of dating apps, the swipe psychology, and the foundations of our self-esteem, spiced with research.
Author: Emil Horváth | Mental Health Specialist
„A week of 58 right swipes. 12 conversations, 4 coffees, 1 sex, 0 relationship. What is happening to me?” – asked one of my clients in their thirties, showing signs of Tinder fatigue in their eyes.
In the world of online dating, we’re no longer just searching for a partner but also for self-confidence, feedback, and sometimes even for ourselves. This is the psychology of dating apps.
Dating apps, especially Tinder, have become a foundational experience in the world of seeking partners – yet increasing professional and scientific indications show that these apps have a significant impact not only on our relationship patterns but also on our psyche, self-esteem, and identity.
The Psychology of Dating Apps
The psychology of swiping – quick pleasure, deep marks
The psychology of swiping refers to the fact that dating apps, such as Tinder, force users into very quick, visual decision-making – within a split second, we decide who we “like” and who we don’t. This lightning-fast choice activates the brain’s reward system, and every right swipe or feedback (“match”) delivers a dopamine rush. As a result, many people easily slip into impulsive, uncontrolled swiping, which not only wastes time but also triggers a rollercoaster of self-esteem: fewer “matches” negatively affect us emotionally, while too many can lead to a distorted self-image. This process is more like a digital casino than a classic dating space – and inner tensions, desires, or expectations subtly take over, potentially creating addictive patterns.
Tinder and its peers revolutionized the dating scene. Instant opportunities, endless “meat” options, and decisions made in seconds. However, the speed at which we participate in the „love market” has more mental consequences than one might initially think.
A recent systematic review (Bowman et al., 2025) in Computers in Human Behavior, based on 45 studies, concluded that online dating had a predominantly negative impact on body image, affecting 85% of users, and significantly correlated with depression, anxiety, and decreased self-esteem.
This was supported by the study of Strubel and Petrie (2017), published in Body Image, which found that Tinder users, in both genders, experienced lower self-esteem and higher body shame than non-users of the app.
The mirror of narcissism – when likes become a substitute for love
It’s not just about how constant comparisons damage self-image. Another Hungarian study (Orosz Gábor et al., 2018 – Journal of Behavioral Addictions) suggested that behind Tinder addiction, there is often a desire for self-validation and self-esteem disorders. A „match” is no more than a micro-self-confidence shot. Furthermore, dating apps are especially attractive to narcissistic personalities: a 2023 study (Telematics and Informatics by Willis, Oliver & March) found that these individuals tend to create fake, idealized profiles – deceiving both others and themselves.
Commitment or relationship withdrawal?
Many complain about „ghosting” (when someone suddenly cuts off all communication without explanation) or „breadcrumbing” (when someone offers false hope), which they experience while using Tinder. But the situation runs deeper! Relationships have taken on a new, “fluid” form. Australian sociologist Mitchell Hobbs (Journal of Sociology, 2017) claims that Tinder culture has redefined intimacy and weakened traditional forms of commitment. It’s not necessarily that there are fewer relationships, but they have become different! They’re more fragmented, experimental, faster, and feel colder.
The „beautiful” user bonus – positive experiences, distorted self-image?
However, I believe it’s important not to demonize. Several studies have shown that Tinder can have positive effects, especially for those who present themselves according to social trends.
A 2020 study in BMC Psychology revealed that 40% of users reported a positive change in their self-esteem, particularly among young women who found validation through feedback on the app. However, the study also warned that such positivity often relies on external validation, making this form of „external self-confidence” fragile.
Positive experiences can easily lead to a distorted self-image. A sense of superiority might emerge, but without a solid foundation of self-awareness.
Tinder and identity – when your online self differs from the real you
A profile on Tinder is often not a true reflection but a „branded self,” an edited version of oneself primarily designed to position us on the „market.” This can be psychologically draining. A 2022 study in The Journal of Social Media in Society found that Tinder users often measure their worth through the number of matches and messages they receive. The real self-image – rooted in relationships, bodies, and emotions – gets pushed into the background.
Soul behind the algorithm – is there a way out?
The digital space isn’t inherently harmful. The question is, how do we use it? Excessive app use, superficial interactions, and avoidance of commitment are not new problems – but they have taken on new forms.
The mental health key: mindful presence. Knowing why we’re on the app, what we’re looking for, and how far we’re willing to go. Understanding that „I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH” is not the app’s answer – it’s our internal voice. And knowing that among all the fast right swipes, there could be someone with whom a true connection, not just a „match,” is possible.
A thought-provoking question: Could it be that the most important match is the one we need to find with ourselves first…?
We’ll continue from here…
In the following articles, Emil will provide mental health recommendations for when we feel that the world of swiping and dating apps has begun to weigh too heavily on our mental well-being.